hit by a school bus...a short one none the less

i definitely drank a lot of beer this weekend, and i can feel the neck crease forming. it won't be too long before i can catch my dinner leftovers in my crease and save them for an after dinner snack. soon to follow with the neck crease is my double chin and thunder thighs. before i know it i will have a stable career working as head manager at Kentucky Fried Chicken. who needs to pack their lunch in a lunchbox when they can shove a sandwich or two in their gut roll? the only good thing about being large, is that your tits grow to be huge...but what use are they when they hang down to your belly button? well, that is when you can find your belly button to begin with. i think when you have double chins growing off of your double chins and they are multiplying like rabbits, its time to put down the twinkie and personal deep dish pizza. when you realize that you have sprouted cankles, (when the width of your calf pretty much goes down into your shoes and you don't have ankles anymore), you need to consider not eating at all. now, i am NOT stressing for anyone to become anorexic or anything. i DO NOT think that everyone has to look like Heidi Klum, but when you look more like Mimi from the the Drew Carey Show or you resemble the Michelin tire man, you need to reconsider what you are doing. when someone wants to lose weight, a good snack to eat would be an apple, not the whole fuckin' tree. so, in the next week to come i might not want to drink as much beer...eventhough it IS technincally liquid bread. i don't want to see my life flash before my eyes and realize that i am working at Burger King and my two best friends are mr. whopper and ms. steel reserve. ewww.