Monday, December 24, 2007
thank goodness i do not have children....i would tell them that instead of leaving cookies for santa, they should leave margaritas, fun-yuns and nudie mags. yet another reason why i should never pro-create. merry x-mas, happy kwanzaa, happy chanukkah....however you take it...have a good one.
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Friday, December 14, 2007
renee's new and updated resume:
Renee Ann Carol
Address: I live with my parents.
Special Skills: I can bowl over 200 on Nintendo Wii, I make a pretty mean mango frozen margarita, I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tounge, I am able to color inside the lines, and I can pat my head while rubbing my belly.
Experience: I have a lot, I kind of get around.
Education: Bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names.
In all actuality, I do have a real resume and college degree, but my degree is useless. I think I would have had better luck in the working world if I had a degree in one of the following, and/or taken classes regarding some of these subjects:
~underwater mating habits of Icelandic mermaids and the sea tortoise
~the declining sales of spandex jumpsuits
~the effect of sniffing glue and the common 2nd grader
~tourettes and the adverse reaction during a sexual situation
~fat girls and the mini skirt addiction
~ninjas and their influence on Asians in America
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Renee Ann Carol
Address: I live with my parents.
Special Skills: I can bowl over 200 on Nintendo Wii, I make a pretty mean mango frozen margarita, I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tounge, I am able to color inside the lines, and I can pat my head while rubbing my belly.
Experience: I have a lot, I kind of get around.
Education: Bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names.
In all actuality, I do have a real resume and college degree, but my degree is useless. I think I would have had better luck in the working world if I had a degree in one of the following, and/or taken classes regarding some of these subjects:
~underwater mating habits of Icelandic mermaids and the sea tortoise
~the declining sales of spandex jumpsuits
~the effect of sniffing glue and the common 2nd grader
~tourettes and the adverse reaction during a sexual situation
~fat girls and the mini skirt addiction
~ninjas and their influence on Asians in America
Monday, December 10, 2007
that's right. it's been far too long since my last post, i almost forgot this place existed. during my almost 2 year break from blogger.com i have learned some things about myself that i will list in numerical order:
1. smelling scented candles makes me hungry.
2. college degrees do not ensure proper employment after graduation. thanks, cmu.
3. i love being a bartender. there's nothing like telling a customer to fuck off and still having a job the next day.
4. i still have a drinking problem. no surprise there, though.
5. jell-o wrestling should only be attempted once in a lifetime. twice, well, then, you're just a fucking moron. i guess i could be considered a fucking moron.
6. chili cheese fries taste the same on the way up as they do going down.
7. i should never procreate.
8. the original candyland board game is way cooler than the more modern version. there is no plumpy. how can we exist in a world where there is no plumpy? that furry fucking bastard...
9. smoking cigarettes does not make me look cool. jell-o wrestling in front of a huge crowd and then being hosed off half naked in the Whiskey's kitchen like cattle, does.
10. apparently i cannot dance. or at least a drag queen told me so. there is nothing like being put in your place by a "woman" who has "her" testicles duct taped to her leg singing "it's raining men."
believe it, bitches. i am getting back in to the swing of things with my passion for blogging. more offensive and pointless posts coming soon. blogging keeps the mind off of drinking. if only i could find something to cure my porn addiction.
1. smelling scented candles makes me hungry.
2. college degrees do not ensure proper employment after graduation. thanks, cmu.
3. i love being a bartender. there's nothing like telling a customer to fuck off and still having a job the next day.
4. i still have a drinking problem. no surprise there, though.
5. jell-o wrestling should only be attempted once in a lifetime. twice, well, then, you're just a fucking moron. i guess i could be considered a fucking moron.
6. chili cheese fries taste the same on the way up as they do going down.
7. i should never procreate.
8. the original candyland board game is way cooler than the more modern version. there is no plumpy. how can we exist in a world where there is no plumpy? that furry fucking bastard...
9. smoking cigarettes does not make me look cool. jell-o wrestling in front of a huge crowd and then being hosed off half naked in the Whiskey's kitchen like cattle, does.
10. apparently i cannot dance. or at least a drag queen told me so. there is nothing like being put in your place by a "woman" who has "her" testicles duct taped to her leg singing "it's raining men."
believe it, bitches. i am getting back in to the swing of things with my passion for blogging. more offensive and pointless posts coming soon. blogging keeps the mind off of drinking. if only i could find something to cure my porn addiction.
