Thursday, March 31, 2005
when i sit back and reminisce about tv shows that rocked, i get sad, because a lot of them don't run anymore, or they are in syndication. here's my list of tv shows that rocked and should be brought back, full throttle:
1. sifl and ollie. this was a brilliant show that featured 2 sock puppets doing things like interviewing batteries and other household products. my hat goes off to the stoner that created this kick ass tv show.
2. undressed. this was aired on mtv for a time, but it got cancelled. it was on at about 11 p.m. or so, and it was a show all about sex, hence the title. i really liked it. well, maybe that's because i am a giant perv.
3. golden girls. i don't care who you are or where you're from, you love this show. i still can't get over the fact that the grandmother in the show was actually older than blanche, rose and dorothy! those make-up people rock.
4. beavis and butt-head. i don't have a reason why i like this one...maybe because i know 2 people that look exactly like beavis and butt-head...poor bastards.
5. my little pony. i'm not talking about the shit that runs on tv now, because the old cartoons are genuine. i love my little ponies...and i am attracted to all of the bright colors.
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1. sifl and ollie. this was a brilliant show that featured 2 sock puppets doing things like interviewing batteries and other household products. my hat goes off to the stoner that created this kick ass tv show.
2. undressed. this was aired on mtv for a time, but it got cancelled. it was on at about 11 p.m. or so, and it was a show all about sex, hence the title. i really liked it. well, maybe that's because i am a giant perv.
3. golden girls. i don't care who you are or where you're from, you love this show. i still can't get over the fact that the grandmother in the show was actually older than blanche, rose and dorothy! those make-up people rock.
4. beavis and butt-head. i don't have a reason why i like this one...maybe because i know 2 people that look exactly like beavis and butt-head...poor bastards.
5. my little pony. i'm not talking about the shit that runs on tv now, because the old cartoons are genuine. i love my little ponies...and i am attracted to all of the bright colors.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
okay, okay. i know that my website might be offensive, boring, or downright tasteless for some of you viewers, but there's a cure for that...don't read it. if you don't like what i have to say, then don't click on my weblink to read my thoughts. i would assume that if you people don't like doing something, then you wouldn't do it. it's kind of like sticking your tongue on a 9-volt battery. it doesn't feel that great, so that's why some people choose not to do it. i, by no means, pry your eyelids open and force you to read anything that i write, it's all by choice. this is not a dictatorship where i am the dictator and i force you to do things...no, that's not me, his name was hitler. for example, i received a lovely comment left for me about my post on "useless objects." someone by the name of "anonymous" left me one of their examples of a useless object..."useless blogs" they put. now, call me sherlock holmes, but i suspect that comment was downright catty. this is where the 9-volt analogy comes into play...if you don't like what i have to say, then quit reading what i write. unless you are trying to receive a cheap lesson on how to be witty, creative, and have a dimensional personality, i suggest you read something else. go ahead and post your useless comments about me and my writing skills. you can even call me a name or two, it's not like i haven't already been called every name in the book. writing is how i express myself, you may do it with fingerpaint or by glue-ing cheerios to a piece of construction paper. just because your creativity may suck, doesn't mean that you have to knock mine.
now, run along. arts and crafts time is calling, and i hear today's project is making necklaces out of fruit-loops and string.
jeeze, i fucking rock.
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now, run along. arts and crafts time is calling, and i hear today's project is making necklaces out of fruit-loops and string.
jeeze, i fucking rock.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
useless products. so many are made every year by young, hopeful asian children that wish to be promoted to making 3 cents a day rather than a quarter of a penny. but, sadly, so many of these products are a waste of money and infomercial space. some of these products include:
~the "seeing" vacuum. what a rip. that's what Lola the maid is for...she has eye balls and she knows how to use a vacuum. the only difference, Lola can salsa and she knows that the cat is not a vacuum-able object.
~just about any contraption for working out:
~the ab-roller. okay, fatass...do some real sit-ups. just because the ab-roller has a wheel, doesn't mean that you have to go back to the caveman era and be amazed.
~the thigh master. suzanne sommers selling any product just doesn't work for me.
~the gazelle....or whatever it is. try running...it's the same motion and you don't have to pay $19.99 a month for it.
~the pot that cooks and drains pasta. this is for those challenged people who can't successfully transfer pasta from boiling water into a huge strainer. dipshits.
~the gopher. sure, it helps people reach things that are in difficult to reach places, but if a sock falls behind the dryer, do you really care to get it? and if you just can't part with the sock, just un-wind a clothes hanger and it does the same thing...oh, and it's so much cheaper.
~a hair dryer stand. okay, now if you can't do a simple task such as drying your own hair, then you should probably hire someone to bathe and feed you, too. god, there's no hope for you...at all.
~the "seeing" vacuum. what a rip. that's what Lola the maid is for...she has eye balls and she knows how to use a vacuum. the only difference, Lola can salsa and she knows that the cat is not a vacuum-able object.
~just about any contraption for working out:
~the ab-roller. okay, fatass...do some real sit-ups. just because the ab-roller has a wheel, doesn't mean that you have to go back to the caveman era and be amazed.
~the thigh master. suzanne sommers selling any product just doesn't work for me.
~the gazelle....or whatever it is. try running...it's the same motion and you don't have to pay $19.99 a month for it.
~the pot that cooks and drains pasta. this is for those challenged people who can't successfully transfer pasta from boiling water into a huge strainer. dipshits.
~the gopher. sure, it helps people reach things that are in difficult to reach places, but if a sock falls behind the dryer, do you really care to get it? and if you just can't part with the sock, just un-wind a clothes hanger and it does the same thing...oh, and it's so much cheaper.
~a hair dryer stand. okay, now if you can't do a simple task such as drying your own hair, then you should probably hire someone to bathe and feed you, too. god, there's no hope for you...at all.
