hit by a school bus...a short one none the less

psychics aren't always right. people choose to belive what they wish and leave the parts that they don't like. when a psychic says that you are going to suffer a terrible heroin addiction, but while you are in rehab you are going to meet your soulmate all at the age of 22, and then you are going to adopt a black dog and but die from cancer, you choose to hear what you want. your version is: you are going to meet the person of your dreams at 22 and live in a little house on the prarie and own a dog. and dying from cancer is a given...unfortunately, i think that everyone is going to have cancer whether they like it or not. psychics are people who have no control over their own life, so they choose to make up some crazy shit to occupy others. if i was a psychic, as soon as someone entered my little enchanted space and i decided that i didn't like them, i would make up some crazy shit. if a supermodel came to get a psychic reading from me, i would say that she better eat 4,000 calories a day, because she is going to lose her modeling job soon anyway, and she is going to grow old and become a cat lady, and obviously cats don't care what people look like. i would also tell her to give me an extra $20 because she would either gamble it away or use it to blow down a line of coke. psychics are shit. do you remember miss cleo? well, if you do, then she made a lasting impression with her shitty jamaican accent and those ridiculous tarot cards. if you really want a card reading, come to my house and i will shuffle a deck for you. we'll see how crazy things can get. and just for fun, if a guy came around to get a reading from me, i would tell him that he would have the opportunity to have a threesome with the hilton sisters, but due to the fact that he would have lost his penis in a terrible cooking accident, that would make him ineligible. i think from then on he would steer clear of women named lorraina...bobbit. just to see a guy wince at the fact that someday he might lose his penis is the reason i wake up everyday. i am a bitch...sweet. but there is one guy out there that has already theoretically lost his penis and his name will not be released...but his girlfiend knows who i am talking about...yaay jen.

i have nothing really to say tonight, but i will leave you with some words of wisdom: DON'T BE A DOUCHE. thank you for your time. any other words of wisdom that i may have forgotten can be left in my comment section. goodnight.

gay. gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. i don't think anything is wrong with the word or lifestyle. i don't know why some people are so homophobic and opposed to gay activities such as marriage, dating, and other stuff that involves 2 people of the same sex. guys especially are homophobes. do you really think that a guy who is gay is going to hit on your smelly, un-showered, vagina-loving ass? no. gay men go for other gay men because they know that they probably don't have any illegitimate children, and at least they shower once every couple of days. guys who get a seductive look from another male at the club, or out in public, automatically think that the other man is gay. are you forgetting that men slap eachother on the ass in sports, and that's not considered flirting, is it? what the hell? but, guys who are straight want to see 2 girls make out? wait...what happened to being homophobic? oh yeah, girls have a vagina and that makes it okay. what the fuck is wrong with you guys? being gay is a new trend, and i am sure it will fade out just as quickly as it appeared, (i am thinking something along the lines of trucker hats....really hot for a while, and then you remember that old perverted men actually wear them daily to drive furniture across the country...not so hot anymore.) but until it goes "out of style", i wish people would stop being so close-minded. guys should take some tips from homos, it would do them good. hell, i need to take some tips from homos, like how to cook good, re-arrange my living room, and how to iron clothes to perfection. i'm straight, but i don't see anything wrong with being gay. i guarantee that someday i will be so fed up with men, that it will force me to be a lezbo. and when i am fed up with women, i will officially become a cat lady. being gay is A-okay...there's my slogan. the only thing i don't like about gay men, is when they are bigger bitches than i am. that's when they need to sip on some wine, watch "a dating story" on TLC and calm the fuck down.

due to a special topic request, i am going to voice my opinion about getting married at the age of 20. well, my first thought is, NO NO NO. 20 is way too young to settle down with one person for the rest of your life. there are so many people out there that you haven't seen naked yet, and you might as well do that before committing to see one person naked for the rest of your life. but, lets be realistic here, aside from the nakedness, there are other aspects that need to be taken into consideration. (i know, what could possibly be more important than nakedness?) you have to think about insurance, careers, genetics...yes, i said genetics. you need to look at your "supposed" in laws to see what your "spouse" has to look forward to. an inevitable beer gut? extreme balding? tooth loss? and that's just the women in some cases. at the age of 20, people need to be going out at night, traveling, and making out with as many guys/girls (or both) as possible. but on the lighter side of the subject, if you get married at 20 and think it's not for you, it's not like 52% of our country's marriages don't end up in divorce, anyway. no matter what my opinion is, people are always going to make a decision for themselves. so instead of ranting that getting married at 20 is a no no, i will just finish up with some things to keep in mind if you decide that you want to go through with the hell-ish procedure.
1. before getting married, don't look at how glorious the wedding will be. instead, look at how ugly the divorce process will be. that's the more likely ending.
2. do not have children. get a dog or 2 instead.
3. make sure you or your spouse-to-be's insurance covers everything. especially for when you get into a domestic dispute and beat the hell out of eachother.
4. make sure that your spouse-to-be has nice things. when you get divorced, you can get half.
5. don't wait until you are married to lose your virginity. if you don't like the way your spouse looks naked, then that was one expensive mistake.
well, there are only a couple of men that i would suggest marrying at the age of 20. if you can get your hands on them, they would be:
1. hugh hefner...he is more than likely going to kick the bucket soon.
2. that guy that anna nicole married...oh wait, he already died.
well, marriage at 20, or even 25 is very young. i still like to play with barbies, and i don't think that i would be able to explain to my spouse why we need to take weekly trips to toys-r-us, (they have a HUGE barbie kingdom there!) getting married takes all of the fun out of getting trashed and waking up next to someone whom you don't even know their name, but you know them by what they were drinking the night before. instead, you continually wake up next to your husband/wife...bummer.

dumbest movie ever...house of the dead. hands down, the gayest thing i have seen in a long time. (well, since i saw this guys wang in 10th grade. i won't reveal his name just to avoid his humiliation. okay, his name started with an "m" and ended with "ike b------". i haven't heard about that kid in a long time, so i think it's safe to say that his prize possesion is definitely a work of art...a minimal, small, microscopic work of art.) anyway, this movie is a poor combination of michael jackson's "thriller" video and a video game. i would caution you not to watch it if you are epileptic or you get motion sickness easily. this movie is terrible because:
1. no one wears bras. i thought that went out in the 70's.
2. i didn't know that zombies could swim.
3. people were shooting the zombies and killing them. but, how do you kill something that's already dead?
4. this asian chick is wearing a gladiator red, white and blue jumpsuit. terrible.
5. a bunch of kids go to an island called "island of the dead" for a rave. would you go to an island of that name for a fucking rave? might as well go to leather face's place for a haunted house.
whoever wrote this script should be condemned to watching this movie, and only this movie, for the rest of their life. poor bastard.

okay, i know that the "everytime" video by britney has been out for a while, but i think it's time for me to comment on it. i don't really know what the purpose of this video is, but if it's to get us "normal" people to feel sorry for her because she's famous, she can eat a twat. i will never feel sorry for her. this video makes it seem like she has the most stressed out life and the only answer to the chaos is death. i refuse to feel sorry for her because she is in shape, pretty, famous, rich and can date just about anyone she wants. she has even boned justin timberlake...now i personally wouldn't, but i would like to see him naked. at least it's better than a backstreet boy...they are the REAL homos...what is paris thinking...backstreet's NOT back, alright? this video is a poor excuse for britney to get naked and jump into a bath tub and bleed strangely from the head from an unknown cause. next time she makes a video, it better to not have her in it at all, that would be the best. and she should actually learn how to sing and not croak like a frog. that would be my advice.
on a different subject, new found glory's catalyst album is pretty sweet. i am thankful that i was introduced to nfg a few years ago, because they have some good tunes. "sonny" is still my favorite, but the new song, "i don't wanna know" is cool too. my second piece of advice is to listen to the album and make a decision for yourself. some of the little phrases in their songs just really get me...i fuckin' love it.

ahhh. long time, no blog. sorry, my computer is kinda screwed. or maybe it's the fact that i really have nothing to comment on right now. all i have to say is that mount pleasant is going to suck this summer and the only friend i have up here is my kitty that looks like a sea monkey.
...i promise to write a good, tasteless, and shockingly offensive entry soon.

what's going on when i see couples walking down the sidewalk, and the girl is so much bigger than the guy? it's fairly odd to see, but i just kind of wonder. i know that girls like larger guys for the protection aspect, but what is a large woman going to do for a small guy? eat an intruder? she would totally dominate him anyway, either in bed, at a restaraunt, or wherever. and what is supposed to happen when the bride is supposed to be carried over the threshold on her wedding day? the groom will either have to tote her behind in a wagon, or push her in on a dolly. how embarassing. my advice: date fat girls until you visit the gym and bulk up so you can defend yourself, and then break up with her because she smells like sausage or something. then, go lookin' for somebody else. i know that i sound so mean, but larger people can be nice....but it isn't so nice when they have leftovers spoiling in her neck crease. ewww.

so, i am going to talk about one of my guilty pleasures....watching The Swan. yes, i know reality t.v. has wore itself out, but i just can't peel myself away from it. i think that The Swan is a great television show. it allows women to cry about how unhappy they are with themselves and blame everyone else for their insecurities. i think that plasic surgery for these women is a great idea. if being jabbed by a needle to suck out all of those cheeseburgers, and being cut and sculpted by a swiss army knife makes them feel better about themselves, then let them do it. and if they aren't happy with the way that they look, they can cram a twinkie down their throat and quickly calm themselves. so, if you aren't happy with your appearance and you think that you are ass ugly, apply to be on a reality makeover show...its not like there won't be anymore airing on t.v. anytime soon. god bless plastic surgeons...they transform people from hit to hot.