Monday, April 19, 2004
this entry is dedicated to all of you people that eat, breathe, and sleep abercrombie. you people need to understand that this is NOT a lifestyle. now, i do own crombie apparrel...but not everything i own has the ridiculous "abercrombie&fitch" tag. i do like to make regular trips to the salvation army. but, everyone realizes that they are paying for that little tag they put on everything, right? that little tag costs $30 while the actual shirt costs $4. and for you ladies out there, don't try to date a crombie guy....they are destined to be the next richard simmons. or even the next elton john...minus the talent. i have seen up close and personal the personalities of those guys (fairies) who worship the crombie moose. i once asked the guy i was dating why he wears everything abercrombie, and he replied, "its one-stop shopping." so is meijer, so what's his fucking point? soon after that, he frosted his hair (women do that) and he checked it in the car mirror more than i did. bottom line, crombie guys make better shopping partners or interior decorators than potential boyfriends. i should write a book, a really short one so i can keep the crombie guy's attention, about how to de-crombify themselves. here's a short list/synopsis:
five simple ways to give up that fake image of popularity that we encorporate with the head of a moose...
5. don't take more than one shower a day unless completely necessary. if you are a construction worker, then this is allowed..but not if you dress up like one to go to the YMCA.
4. go to Marshalls, or Target, or even the salvation army to buy something. so what if it's been worn before, or it doesn't cost $35? give those asian children a break from sewing those stupid A&F tags on clothes and go buy some other brand.
3. get a real job. nobody can work at abercrombie forever. quite frankly, when you reach an age that doesn't resemble that of a teenage supermodel, they are going to fire you anyway. that is, if they ever hired you in the first place. they like those people that look good in their clothes and like to work 6 hours a week. (yeah, i worked there...i needed a summer job when i came home from college and i needed something. thank god i didn't get sucked into the lifestyle.)
2. girls, buy clothes that cover your navel and your ass. no matter what anyone says, butt crack IS NEVER in. not even on beyonce. guys, buy shirts that aren't cut off at the arms and pants/shorts that aren't camoflauge. you are not going to try and shoot a deer while playing volleyball at the beach, so their is no need for either.
1. think about it. if you work there, you are working for a $6 an hour paycheck, and when you shop there religously, you are worshiping a company that is recognized by the head of a moose. a head of a moose that has hockey sticks and roller blades hanging off of his antlers...how is the poor moose going to use them if he doesn't even have legs? you support all of the porn stars that they hire to make their quarterly catalogs . you support the change in sexual orientation that the male crombie employees will eventually have. i have no problem with homosexual males, but when i date them, i do. just sit back and think about it. it's really not that important to wear 5 polo shirts under a sweater and have them all compliment each other in color. it's not that important to wear crombie underwear when they hang on your ass, anyway. it is important, however, to realize that if you continue working at abercrombie, you will grow up to make useless workout videos like richard simmons, suzanne sommers or chuck norris. they obviously need good looking people to promote the thigh master or bowflex, right?
five simple ways to give up that fake image of popularity that we encorporate with the head of a moose...
5. don't take more than one shower a day unless completely necessary. if you are a construction worker, then this is allowed..but not if you dress up like one to go to the YMCA.
4. go to Marshalls, or Target, or even the salvation army to buy something. so what if it's been worn before, or it doesn't cost $35? give those asian children a break from sewing those stupid A&F tags on clothes and go buy some other brand.
3. get a real job. nobody can work at abercrombie forever. quite frankly, when you reach an age that doesn't resemble that of a teenage supermodel, they are going to fire you anyway. that is, if they ever hired you in the first place. they like those people that look good in their clothes and like to work 6 hours a week. (yeah, i worked there...i needed a summer job when i came home from college and i needed something. thank god i didn't get sucked into the lifestyle.)
2. girls, buy clothes that cover your navel and your ass. no matter what anyone says, butt crack IS NEVER in. not even on beyonce. guys, buy shirts that aren't cut off at the arms and pants/shorts that aren't camoflauge. you are not going to try and shoot a deer while playing volleyball at the beach, so their is no need for either.
1. think about it. if you work there, you are working for a $6 an hour paycheck, and when you shop there religously, you are worshiping a company that is recognized by the head of a moose. a head of a moose that has hockey sticks and roller blades hanging off of his antlers...how is the poor moose going to use them if he doesn't even have legs? you support all of the porn stars that they hire to make their quarterly catalogs . you support the change in sexual orientation that the male crombie employees will eventually have. i have no problem with homosexual males, but when i date them, i do. just sit back and think about it. it's really not that important to wear 5 polo shirts under a sweater and have them all compliment each other in color. it's not that important to wear crombie underwear when they hang on your ass, anyway. it is important, however, to realize that if you continue working at abercrombie, you will grow up to make useless workout videos like richard simmons, suzanne sommers or chuck norris. they obviously need good looking people to promote the thigh master or bowflex, right?
Comments:
Post a Comment
